On Being Single

by Alex Torus

“To marry means to halve one's rights and double one's duties.” —Arthur Schopenhauer, On Women

Being off of woman is like becoming clean and sober.

Being married (or the common-law equivalent thereof) and then suddenly finding yourself single again is like kicking a drug habit. You go through withdrawal symptoms. You try desperately to find a replacement for the ball and chain you just lost, unused to the alarming lack of resistance on your ankle and unsure of what to do with all that newfound mobility. Who will tell you to lower the toilet seat? To make the bed? Who will scold you if you stay out too late? Who will complain if you snore while you sleep? All those vital, necessary functions.

Your brain literally goes through changes as it de-conditions itself and flushes the mind-altering woman-toxins out. You start to view the world differently. Your balls grow back. You feel in charge of your life. Your sense of adventure and curiosity returns.

Pink is the color of oppression

And you don't miss having a petty dictator in your home, one who wails when you don't take your shoes off or when you accidentally dribble pee on the fluffy pink mat in front of the toilet, at all. You marvel that you were able to put up with that shit for so long, and wonder how you could have traded your freedom and autonomy for so little in return.

Schopenhauer wrote that love is a trap set for us by nature. I disagree. "Love" (and marriage) is a trap set for men by women.

When a friend gets hitched, we shouldn't be congratulating him but expressing our condolences. There is no reason for a man to marry or shack up with a broad unless he intends to have children. (And with divorce rates above fifty percent and a gynocentric culture that gives free rein to female narcissism and hypergamy, good luck with that venture should he decide to undertake it — he will need it.)

Posted March 2, 2019. Last modified June 15, 2019.